Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
