She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You made out with two different species that night
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
