I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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