sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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