Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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