I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
