He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
