It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize