Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
