Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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