It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
