Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
