I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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