A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
