my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
