sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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