so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
