And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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