just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
