She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
