He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
