hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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