You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Bring me that man meat
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
