no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
