His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
