Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
