We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
