Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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