I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
