I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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