If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
