They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
