his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
