He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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