This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
