Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
