Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
