I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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