hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
