I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
