They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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