That's when you crack a 10am beer
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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