i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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