How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
