the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
