Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
honey bunches of taint.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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