as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
