If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
