I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
