I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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