we have officially lost it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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