Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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