So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
