I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
