i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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