I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize