I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she told me i tasted like america
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
