watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
