4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize