normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
