she was so not down for the gang bang
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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