We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
