well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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