I'm drive I can fine osifer
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
