There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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