New low: just hacked my moms facebook
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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