I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize