I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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