i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
