You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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