In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
