And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
