I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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