I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
