these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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