Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize